Howard Dean dropped out of the presidential race today. Now, to most Americans, this probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise, and it probably doesn’t upset them as it does the legions of Deaniacs out there.

But it should…

What happened to Howard Dean is an example of a huge problem in America. The MYTH of the liberal media… Dean was a frontrunner; Dean spoke out loudly against corporate interests, against an unjust war, against those who would curtail OUR rights in order to keep THEIR privileges.

We have all seen the speech from Iowa, in fact we’ve seen it over and over and over, followed by commentary from pundits making six figure salaries and benefiting from tax breaks the rest of us don’t get, who told us how “unstable” Dean was, who asked us “do you really want a man who screams in the White House?” And who conveniently forget about Bush’s lie upon lie and the blood he has placed on the hands of the American people. (Both that of Iraqis and our troops…)

They crucified this man… they crucified his campaign, and impugned his character, to protect those very narrow self interests that focus on how much, and how much is mine?

He was the frontrunner… until the media decided he shouldn’t be.

So, please don’t give me any more bullshit about the “liberal media.”

The Ten Commandments of the Church of Elvis

I. Thou Shalt not have any other King before Elvis, thou shalt not worship Tom Jones particularly.

II. Thou Shalt not covet or eat thy neighbor’s peanut butter and ‘nana sammich… especially the eating thereof.

III. Thou Shalt remember the Toilet Room and keep it holy, for this is where He left this mortal Earth.

IV. Thou Shalt keep a chimp in thy house and he shall be given cigars and booze.

V. Thou Shalt honour thy Mama.

VI. Thou Shalt not take the name Cadillac in vain.

VII. Thou Shalt not diddle Ann Margret.

VIII. Thou Shalt only display the King on either velvet image or collectible plate, all other images are forbidden unless approved by His holy estate.

IX. Thou Shalt Kung Fu fight, as the song says.

X. Thou Shalt not bring up the entertainment known as “Clambake”, for this is a mockery of the King and therefore an abomination unto His name.

Today’s entry is a recipe for beef stew… Enjoy!

What you’ll need –

One Stove – Hot
One pan – No holes
One spoon or spoonlike object
One can opener or large rock
One can of Beef Stew

1.) Open can of stew, if this cannot be done easily, ask a neighbor to open it for you, or use rock.

2.) Sniff Contents for traces of botulism.

3.) Taste contents for traces of botulism.

4.) Wait to see if botulism present - If you have not died, continue to next step.

5.) Pour stew into pan.

6.) Scrape spilled stew from counter into pan.

7.) Ignite stove.

8.) Try to find matches to ignite stove due to igniter malfunction.

9.) Light Stove…

10.) Put "Bactine" brand burn remedy on burns received from resulting fireball, after realizing too late that gas cloud in kitchen probably not best place to strike match.

11.) Finish lighting stove.

12.) Place pan with stew on fire…

13.) Partially cover…

14.) Watch TV…

15.) Realize that stew has been on stove for a long time.

16.) Take battery out of smoke detector

17.) Open windows.

18.) Test Stew for heat factor using finger test.

19.) Soak finger in "Bactine" brand burn remedy for at least ten minutes.

20.) Battle angry, territorial crow who has entered kitchen through open window…

21.) Close windows

22.) Dig stew out of pan with spoon or spoonlike object

23.) Attempt to scrape carbonized carrot from bottom of pan with spoon or spoonlike object due to now outrageous cost of stew at local Food Mart.

24.) Eat stew, including carbonized carrot.

25.) Dispose of pan, now rendered useless by carbonized carrot, in outside trash bin

26.) Battle angry, territorial, now vengeance-minded crow on way back from trash bin.

27.) Read good book while paying for ingestation of carbonized carrot at 3AM.

28.) Apply liberal amounts of "Bactine" brand burn remedy while watching house burn down due to lack of battery in fire alarm, and stove which was left on.

29.) Battle angry, territorial, vengeance-minded, now slightly singed crow on way to local homeless shelter.

This dinner serves 3, provided two aren’t hungry.

Well, things are getting better. Today while getting my light lunch at Subway… I saw midgets. My friend hadn’t seen them, and made a comment on the height of a sign that was advertising the new salads at Subway. Thus I got to point out his inadvertent faux pas, which made me pretty happy… that, and I saw midgets.

Well, I guess I have been really piss-poor in my updating of this tome. I really have no excuse other than the fact that for a while, the muse has simply not been upon me. I can’t explain it, I just know that whatever force drives me to write the drivel I post here has not been present… I have tried to come up with premises for the (hopefully) funny things that I like to place here, but my mind has been a dry desert upon which no seed of comedy can find purchase. It just hasn’t felt right. It might be something to do with the brain injury I suffered only recently, which caused me to remember heretofore-suppressed memories of my past, involving a satanic cult of goat worshipers and a large cheese wheel. These memories have caused no end of problems for me in my life, as I can no longer be in a room containing dairy products, because it will cause me to respond by becoming Winston Churchill and insisting in his British Bulldog style that Titanic did indeed deserve the Best Picture Oscar it won... A truly intolerable situation. Nor can I hear the bleating of God’s creatures without having the overpowering and somewhat undesirable urge to relieve myself in front of a Burger King. Or it might be due to the fact that Friends is in its last season… who knows? The important thing is… well, I can’t actually think of the important thing, but I am sure that there is one.