Street etiquette (Installment 2) –

At public functions one should always make sure that there is ample ammo for celebratory gunfire, AND busting caps in people’s asses, to run out would be embarrassing, especially if one is getting “dissed”.

One should always sell the specified amount of crack to one’s clients. It is immoral to cut up macadamia nuts and pass them off as “badass shit”. Though the resulting mild high can be pleasing, it is not what your clients are paying for, and can result in a cap in one’s ass.

When robbing a liquor store it is the job of the lookout to watch for police activity, not check out a fine ho.

Liquor store hold-ups should never be perpetrated with a stick that “kinda looks like it might could be a gun”.

The local bus is not an approved getaway vehicle, though in a pinch an express bus may be used.

When on a date, it is bad form to hint that you may want to “smack that ass” before dinner.

One should never perform a drive-by on a serious date.

When you find that you do not have enough change for a Twinkie, it is bad form to burn down the neighborhood surrounding the store shouting “No justice, no peace”.

When leading a political protest, always remember to have enough malt liquor on hand to quench the thirst of those who have helped you carry your new big screen TV, or major appliance.

Street Etiquette (Installment 1)–

It is impolite to light up one’s crack with your bunkmate’s last pair of socks.

When bringing a crack-ho to a gathering it is considered bad form to refrain from sharing her services while stealing the host’s stereo to sell for crack.

Never shit in the middle of a room without at least putting a plastic cup or Ritz box over it to keep others from soiling their shoes/bare, blistered feet.

It is unwise to sell crack on a corner controlled by someone named Mr. Big.

When holding a dinner gathering always offer a choice of food, such as, Chee-tos AND a half eaten Twinkie.

When walking about the streets in an “altered” state, it is polite to refrain from hanging one’s genitals out of one’s trousers and screaming at passers-by about Jesus.

If one is a crack-ho, it should be noted that blowjobs should only be given for crack and not liquor… this would make one a drunk-ho, and would involve a loss of status in the community.

If one controls a stable of hos, it is both unwise and unkind to “put one’s foot in dey ass” for minor offenses such as “bein’ lippy”. It is permissible to do so for offenses such as the theft of one’s stereo, or giving blowjobs for liquor.

Gold chains should be at least 8 karat plate and 1 ½ inches thick, or should not be worn at all.

It is a major faux pas to “bust a cap in the ass” of one’s own “homeboy” for receiving a blowjob for liquor from an errant crack-ho, but it is accepted that theft of a stereo or GIVING blowjobs for liquor shall be punished by said cap in said ass.

It is not socially acceptable to urinate on one’s guests who have been incapacitated by crack/liquor.

If one’s cardboard box has become uninhabitable due to: urine, stench, fire, rainy climate, dead crack-ho... etc. it is socially acceptable to move to another without first notifying those in the community of one’s intended destination, provided that one then follows up with a small announcement on a street corner in which one’s genitals are hidden and no mention of Jesus is made.

If one is fortunate enough to have a “crib” and or a “ride” it is impolite to flaunt such things in front of those who do not. Unless, you intend to share said crib or ride, or “bust a cap in dey ass”.

With these and just a few more rules, I’m sure we can make the streets a much more enjoyable experience for all involved.

For some reason I have been sitting here thinking of great seventies movies I haven’t seen in awhile, (some of them since the actual decade) and I am wondering if they still hold up. Her are a few in no particular order:

Nashville – Altman’s magnum opus… still fresh today? – last seen 1980’s

The Bad News Bears – Is Tanner still funny all these years later? – Last seen 1980’s

Paper Moon – Tatum got an Oscar, will I still think she deserved it? – Last seen 1980’s

Logan’s Run – Terrifying at the time… - Last seen about 10 yrs. ago

Galaxina – Dorothy Stratten’s film debut, and the only movie with Avery Schreiber AND a rock eater…. – Last seen 1970’s

FM – I loved the music, would I still like the movie? – Last seen 1970’s

Smokey and the Bandit – East bound and down…. – Last seen about 6 yrs. ago

The End – A suicidal Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise in one film – Last seen 1980’s

Carrie – Scared the living shit out of me. – Last seen 1980’s

The Prisoner of Zenda – Peter Sellars re-makes a classic, when I was a kid I loved it… - Last seen 1980’s

Any Which Way but Loose – Eastwood and a monkey? Cool!!!!!!!! – Last seen 1980’s

Harold and Maude – Still darkly funny after all these years? – Last seen 1980’s

Network – Even more relevant now? – Last seen 1989

The Towering Inferno – Would I still root for OJ? – Last seen 1980’s

The Lords of Flatbush – Stallone before his success. – Last seen 1970’s

The Wanderers – Lookout, it’s the Baldies!!!!! – Last seen 1980’s

The Warriors – I was terrified of New York street gangs for years afterward. – Last seen 1970’s

Fort Apache the Bronx – Companion to the Warriors in my childish mind. – Last seen 1970’s

Taxi Driver – The first time I ever realized who Robert De Niro was… - Last seen about 10 yrs. ago

Tom Sawyer – Twain musical… still good? – Last seen about 10 yrs. ago

The Island – Another one that scared the shit out of me. – Last seen 1980’s